The perennial debate...

Not many issues/topics can quite cause an opinion divide like the way the issue of love vs arranged marriage does especially in Indian society. The institution of marriage has witnessed myriad changes and has become an extremely expensive showcase event for most families. There is more fizz, more fun and the glitz and glamor is there for all too see. But at the heart of all marriages, tradition does hold sway and this is often the most touchy element..

Indian marriages for long have been a very family affair which is in sharp contrast to the way the western world thinks. The Indian weddings demonstrate at every step that the wedding is more s symbol of unifying families than just the two individuals themselves..This thought or belief is reflected right from the time the parents start thinking about the future of their son/daughter..Conservative thoughts and religious values play a major part in the life of bourgeois families in India..It is very important to pass ones views on such a topic without taking an extreme stand. I definitely tread a path which does not portray me as an iconoclast nor does it tend to reflect any kind of orthodox and dogmatic views..

Most individuals, yours truly included have been brought up with a healthy mix of traditional values and a modern outlook. But there are lots of cases when this is not so. Orthodoxy and blind beliefs tend to take control and decision making is the least progressive in these cases. 'Love marriage' is the common term used to refer to the case when two individuals meet, usually without the preliminary involvement of their parents, get to know each other well and realize that their wavelengths match. They decide after the period of courtship (duration is a very random variable) that it is time to communicate the information to their family. In contrast, 'arranged marriage' starts with the parents of the girl/boy contacting friends and extended family members to enquire about prospective partners for their children.. This usually involves exchange of horoscopes to make sure that all the stars are right before the decision is made on the match.

Its not just the definitions that differ. Both the ideas are fundamentally opposite and everything that follows is inevitably different. Indian society is rooted in tradition and this means adherence to the system of castes and sub castes. While not getting into the issue of theism and religion which have later led to the all pervading caste system, it is wise to observe that the reason why families place and emphasis on the caste has its roots in the original reason why the various castes originated i.e. they were formed based on the nature of work such as education/priestly, business, menial jobs etc..While all this may be too very archaic to most modern day people, it is not something that can be shunned totally. Though the gap has been considerably bridged between castes/classes, the level of education and knowledge to go with overall progress is still not very even in Indian society and this is certainly a factor that makes most families fastidious.


Love marriages may seem to be the best as they allow for two people to get to know each other for a considerable period before making a big decision of commitment. It also allows for one to confide, confess and sort out any issues that may have an effect later. A person in the course of a relationship goes through a lot of problems, deals with numerous arguments and is often faced with the all too obvious question if this was necessary in the first place. To come out of all this perfectly and lay the foundation for a successful marriage is very commendable yet an extremely challenging task..The biggest challenges faced include the whole idea of commitment which often seems a hasty decision when encountered with relationship problems, issues of caste/religion and financial status to go with other family issues that often end up being the reasons for failure of the relationship to culminate in marriage...

Arranged marriages deal with the latter issues beforehand because the families speak to numerous people and have a thorough evaluation before embarking on this journey and more often than not make the right decision.. These marriages tend to bring other problems to the forefront though which include not fully knowing the girl/boy before the wedding which means one is often in the dark when it comes to knowing about the past of his/her future partner. This is an especially difficult situation which is all the more magnified because of the nature of today's society..The modern society has made some of the more constructive and mature ways of approaching life seem passe. When this is the case, culture and tradition find it hard to even get a look in. For someone like me who believes in the right balance between tradition and modern ideas, this is something that is hard to compromise on..

There have been a few marriages of late..many involving close friends..It is fairly obvious that I will be under the guillotine in a year or two...This topic has been discussed among us friends for years without really coming to a proper decision as to which approach is better..If you ask me I would probably pick a case of a practical love marriage which would imbibe the best aspects of both systems...It would make sure I know the person fairly well and have a good idea about her interests, likes and dislikes, temperament and more importantly help build better trust before taking the plunge..Also when I say practical, I mean meeting a person whose values and beliefs conform to those that my family adheres to..I cannot be a heretic and not care about these...I do believe that the relationship between the families post marriage is very vital too and this should not be compromised for purely selfish reasons...I can expect brickbats from both sides when I say this but I stick my neck out and say that this is just about the perfect way to go..There may be a host of problems with what I suggest, the biggest question being- how is it possible to find the right girl i.e. the practical choice?..Well..I don't think its quite possible to answer that one with any degree of certainty..This opens the door for further discussion on the topic...As I said..the debate will continue to rage on..!!